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Hole-y Cow!

In one of the more alarming news stories you probably missed from the great state of Indiana (official motto: “We have a motto!”), holes are forming and disappearing at Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore.

A Jacket, But Not for Cold

I venture to guess that most of us, if we have ever thought about dust jackets, have not thought much about them. In fact, up until my having mentioned it, the vast majority of both my readers have probably never given them much thought at all.

What exactly is the purpose of a dust jacket and why is it called that? Without going to the extraordinarily tiresome work of looking things up, I’m going to guess that someone, at one time, got the idea of wrapping a book in an extra layer of paper (as if there weren’t already a lot of paper IN the book!) so as to keep the dust off.

Parsimony

I have always been on the frugal side. OK, let’s just get it out in the open and say “cheap”. I realized yesterday I have become even more so than I used to be and, being a true “Generation X’er”, I look outside myself to place blame.

Yesterday’s revelation was brought to me—and, by extension, to those of you who are reading this—by a desire for a softdrink. It was about eleven o’clock and I suddenly had a craving for a soft drink (Dr Pepper was my preferred drink, though I wouldn’t have turned down a Sprite). I didn’t get one, though.

(Almost) Panic Time

It’s almost that time of year that the men of America’s churches fear the most: that day of reckoning when we have to decide what to do about Mother’s Day.

This doesn’t seem to be a problem for women. Women are just natural gift-givers. I think it’s biological. See, women have this ability to get sick, cramp up, get bigger, and then produce a baby. If a man gets sick and cramps up and gets bigger, no good is going to come of that.

Weird Thoughts

Have you seen the commercial for the cable television company that features a panda getting all excited because the cable guy has hooked him up with a channel of bear porn? Shouldn’t this trouble us on a lot of levels, not the least of which is that pandas are marsupials? A panda should be no more turned on by bear porn than, well, you or I.

I saw, this past week, the perfect fill-out of an NCAA basketball bracket. In large letters, across the whole thing, someone had written with a Sharpie, “Baseball starts in two weeks.”

Dick Tracy Did It First (and Better)

You may have noticed that the new “it” thing is the computer-connected watch. For people who are tired of having to haul around something as big as a cell phone, you can now bring the world wide web right to your watch. It is never made clear, in the commercials anyway, why you would want to do this.

Kiss Begins with What?

“Every kiss begins with __________.” If you filled in the blank with “slobber” or “tongue”, well, I’m not sure whether to congratulate you for having been unsullied by Madison Avenue or wonder just what you were thinking. After all, who kisses with the tongue first? It’s lips, right? At least, that’s how it is where I come from!

[If you filled in the blank with “Gene Simmons” we’ll have to deduct points but still give you partial credit for trying.]

“Kiss” Begins with What?

“Every kiss begins with __________.” If you filled in the blank with “slobber” or “tongue”, well, I’m not sure whether to congratulate you for having been unsullied by Madison Avenue or wonder just what you were thinking. After all, who kisses with the tongue first? It’s lips, right? At least, that’s how it is where I come from!

[If you filled in the blank with “Gene Simmons” we’ll have to deduct points but still give you partial credit for trying.]

Lost in a Food Desert

Great stretches of our country—or maybe it’s small stretches of our great country are—no I think I had … never mind. The thing I want to write about today is “food deserts”.

A Shot of Crassitude

If you are one of the people who watched the Grammy Awards on Sunday night and thought the best performance of the night was by singer Natalie Grant who walked out on the “show”, don’t feel too bad. It just means you have taste.

Or forgot the Grammys were on.

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